The Vortex that is Home

WHOOO MAN...I feel like I have travelled back into another world. Is it just me or does everyone forget about the detailed worlds they are a part of? I mean my life at school is this whole world and then when I get home I realize that there is this whole other world that I am a part of too, I seem to forget all its intricacies while I am away. I do things in one place that I do not do in the other. Some may seem in contridict each other but I am not sure if that makes me a hypocite or just a real person. I mean as if anyone is part of only one community.
It is odd to think that I can sit so comfortably in a gathering of Pakistani people joking around about the type of person that so and so would marry where I obviously will not bring up the fact that the assumption that all people will marry people of the opposite gender, of the same race, religon etc. is just an assumption. While at the same time perfactly enjoy having friends and being part of a group of friends that would probably get annoyed by this type of conversation. What can I say there is something comforting in both.

In a seperate yet related note, last night I took the car out at around 11:30pm with my brothers and my cousin inside and we went for a drive and didn't come home until 1:00am, apperently such activity is okay, go figure. I used to think I would have to pick one part of me over the other but maybe that isn't the case. That for sure is way cool. There are all these boxes that people (and indeed we ourselves) put ourselves in and while these boxes can be helpful I refuse to believe that I have to confine myself to one.
A friend of mine once said "she was collecting tennis balls" well I am collecting boxes....

One Two Three

One, two, three,
I am counting the days, the weeks the hours left till...
I am counting the hours I've already spent,
I am counting the number of times I've picked myself up again,
the number of projects I've seen through to the end,
the number of times I've said ENOUGH is ENOUGH along the way,
the number of times I've said just hold on for a bit the next part coming up will be better than this,
the number of times I've thought I would never want to get up again,
the number of times I've tried to hold my tongue, my heart, my mischief, without success,
the number of times that I've said whatever whatever WHATEVER in my head.

three,four, five,
I am counting the number of things on my list,
the number of friends, relatives, dreams that I might forget,
the number of books that I haven't read,
the number of A's I could possibly get,
the number of pages I've filled,
the number of ways in which I seem to want to express my being,
the number of times I've been so sure and been wrong,
the number of times that it didn't matter anyway.

six, seven, eight,
I am counting the number of seconds that it takes to stop my heart from racing once I am done counting the last of the seconds when my feet will hit the pavement running for the day,
the number of times I roll my eyes in the back of my head when another boy who's trying to impress me says something so completely stupid that it reminds me of how well your skin can hide who you are and what you think,
the number of times I take a deep breath before allowing myself to step inside a room.

nine, ten, eleven, twelve
the clock strikes again and I am not counting though I move to measured beats,
the freedom that I allow myself for a measured time to run around and be crazy.
I am counting the days the years the time that I didn't know you and didn't understand,
the limited time for which this building towards a perfect life seems to be real,
the number of ways that I feel like a new person,
the number of times I recognize that I am still somehow me as I will always want to be.

one, two, three,
I am counting the number of steps that I've taken,
the number of years I've left behind,
the number of people that have probably died while I've argued and debated and wondered why,
the number of places I may never see.

three, four, five,
I am counting...like all moments before this, this moment too shall pass,
all the things I've conquered and survived will be obsolete and all the things I have managed to ignore may not be able to sit still,
I am holding my breath everytime I come to another bend because I just don't want it all to end.

six, seven, eight....

Arugh

STOP THE WORLD I want to get off. Man I thought I could do this whole multitasking thing but I am finding that I just don't care to for some reason. Maybe it is the heat or the prospect of busing back and forth, while studying and trying to find work that I get paid more than I do currently for my time but this whole thing seems a little nuts to me. I keep thinking okay how much can I push myself to get done before it is enough to make me collapse or not want to do any of it.
And than I get pissed off at myself for being worried about that stuff. I really don't have to do it all. Unfortunately there are different good reasons to do all of the many things I seem to want to fit into this frame that we can call my life.
Additionally, I am surrounded by cool people who seem to enjoy diversity and seem to fit a number of must dos and want to dos into their schedules. It's the making of schedules that I find to be a stressful thing I think, all the choices, this is what is currectly driving me insane....
at least I think that is what it is....

Musti

So after a week that seemed to fly by I am sitting on the computer at 5am, while my cousin is singing some song that I don't know, in a I am half asleep voice, (I love hearing people sing when they are all into it, so cool!). At the same time another cousin of mine is chattering away, and has asked cousin number 1 to stop singing, more than once, I think. All this while my brother is asleep on the bed in the same room. Seven people under that same roof are sound asleep in other rooms unaware of the fact that we are all still up...well maybe not. We'll find out tomorow.
This after a bus ride that should have been 5 hours but turned out to take 6 instead, during which I was going through caffine withdrawal from the many cups of tea I have been drinking for the last 2 weeks to keep myself from napping when I get back from work, in order that I do some other semi productive activity.
I got to the TO at 1 AM, talk about late luckly for me I am suburnan girl, so the minivan rolled around the corner shortly after I got there. Since I've been back I've already had the, so why aren't you working at such and such and a job so and so's daughter is doing.... I've also had my hair pulled (which is a right reserved for my cousin musti) and I thrown socks around, and been told to go to bed because we have to get up early tomorow nultiple times by various adults. I am only here for a bit so I gotta fit it all in, right?

Curry anyone??

Okay so this is an update blog. The weekend was consumed by the Canada Day BBQ that never seemed to end. As a result of the festivities, we now have a random pair of guys skater style shoes in our kitchen and they don't seem to belong to anyone we know, strange.

I smell like chicken because I've been well, working pretty much all the time for the last two days. And I am going to bed because I am working again tomorow. People, can I just say that tips are a good idea, and that polite people make my day.

Oh, funny story, dude comes into the restaurant yesterday and gets himself a combo plate and a lamb carry to go around closing time. Pretty nice guy, he has got his little baseball cap on and he's sitting there watching the cheesy music videos (which by the way are extra cheesy even by Bollywood standards, the lovers running around in the mountains etc.), while he waits for his lamb curry....did I mention he is COMPLETELY STONED!! Man, I couldn't help but smile at that scenario...I wonder if Bollywood music videos seem different to a stoned white boy then they do to me. And yes he was very polite, and he did tip, and he was smilin' the whole time.

Canada Day

Got up like super early and ran 10k in 1hour 2 minutes and 30 seconds. My girl Z did awsome too. Then partied it up at home...what a mess....at least we cleaned it up somewhat already....man I wonder what is still in the frigde.... In any case this seemed to be the "BBQ" that never ended, good for me that my friends are entertaining... the partying continued into the night with Canada Day fireworks and dancing at the club with my girl spanish style. (What What) All in all I would say that it was not a sit and chill day although for some reason it seems that some of the must have been going on ;).... Oh what will come next, what will come next, summer time is definately wonderful.