2 am type scribbling

Today I am writting this on the big bad internet where anyone can see it because I can't bring myself to say the words to the people I love in person,
Everytime I mention what I want to do with my future or that I am worried about how to get there I get a response that makes me feel like those around me don't believe I can do it. And quite frankly that is not what I want to hear, I want to hear oh your working on it that is great, why why why can people with little talent find people to back them up but my friends are supportive as far as yeah that was good but whenever you dream big they smack it down,
would it be so bad if I focused on my creative aspirations instead of my acamedic pursutes for a little bit just a little bit, give me two years I beg of you, its hard enough for me to believe that I can do it, but I've decided that I should and with the kind of person I am I have a hard time not talking about it with those whom I am close to...yes it may only effect me because of my self doubte but I am not going to let self doubte stop me either it would just be easier if my friends were like you can do it what are you waiting for get to work instead of oh man you are soo far from it, it is a non-existant dot on the horizon which you may never reach,
sooo what does it matter it is possible that I may not but it is also possible that it may...both are equaling possible...
I don't want to distance myself but I want to follow my heart because the risk of not doing so is bitterness and I do not ever want to be really and truely bitter disappointed I'll handle bitter is too gross.
so ps to my girls C and V I wish you would just believe I could do it if I tried hard enough...