In referance to the last post,
I've decied that you can all go FUCK YOURSELVES, yup I said, now let me batt my eyelashs sweetly and smile like I always do....
cause I am gonna do what I am gonna do....

2 am type scribbling

Today I am writting this on the big bad internet where anyone can see it because I can't bring myself to say the words to the people I love in person,
Everytime I mention what I want to do with my future or that I am worried about how to get there I get a response that makes me feel like those around me don't believe I can do it. And quite frankly that is not what I want to hear, I want to hear oh your working on it that is great, why why why can people with little talent find people to back them up but my friends are supportive as far as yeah that was good but whenever you dream big they smack it down,
would it be so bad if I focused on my creative aspirations instead of my acamedic pursutes for a little bit just a little bit, give me two years I beg of you, its hard enough for me to believe that I can do it, but I've decided that I should and with the kind of person I am I have a hard time not talking about it with those whom I am close to...yes it may only effect me because of my self doubte but I am not going to let self doubte stop me either it would just be easier if my friends were like you can do it what are you waiting for get to work instead of oh man you are soo far from it, it is a non-existant dot on the horizon which you may never reach,
sooo what does it matter it is possible that I may not but it is also possible that it may...both are equaling possible...
I don't want to distance myself but I want to follow my heart because the risk of not doing so is bitterness and I do not ever want to be really and truely bitter disappointed I'll handle bitter is too gross.
so ps to my girls C and V I wish you would just believe I could do it if I tried hard enough...

Fly like a bird
sting like a bee
stand still like a tree
all these things you could be
but why bother?
Why not be sweet like a flower
cool like the breeze
free like the scent of....
rich like the rain
pure like the light
the shines on the water and brings it to life,
consumed by the passion, ignited by a spark,
controlled to convert and inspire nothing more than warmth-
cause when your free to love there isn't much that can hold you down for long.

these words

Music Video:THESE WORDS (by Natasha Bedingfield)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

To all the Non Fucked up people I've met

I was talking to an old friend and it got me thinking,
man I have crossed paths with some truely crazy people....like FUCKED UP people that do horrible things and say horrible things and draw horrible things into there lives and man am I glad that I also know people that are normal and nice,
I mean having different opinions is one thing, you don't have to agree or even like all of a person to recognize they are actually nice.

The cynics may say that nice people are not the norm in the world and in response to that I would say that I am even more greatful that I have actually met so of these rare nice people.

Dude but seriously the thing is fucked up people don't even realize how fucked up their thinking is, and that is the scary part isn't it... I am just glad I don't have their life cause boy would I hate it,
even if my life after this point turns out to be a bore at least I can say there was some sweetness and warmth,

and I gotta say my experiances with these wachos has changed the way I interact and judge people I meet,
its like one of the main standerds I have, new friends or people I make effort with must be not wackos,
its not enough that they are entertaining or have similar interests or contrasting interests that I like hearing about....

This is not to say that I don't like crazy I mean crazy can be enjoyable as long as the person is actually nice...
so yeah I salute all the not fucked up in the head, not filled with bitter words and actions people I know....

In honor of Barley

moving to the country gonna eat a lot of peachs
moving to the country gonna eat a lot of peachs
peachs are sooo yummy and no one minds that they have peach fuzz I mean that is part of what makes them special
uuuuuuh huuuun

Not crazy I swear :)

ooooooo bitter anyone, yes yes that was me typing out that last blog entry and not some alien that took over my body.
I gotta say I kinda forgot about it....hum....that is a good sign :)

So time is zooming by pretty fast and I am trying to get everything done but sometimes it feels like the tredmill is set to a speed that is a tad bit faster than I can comfortably keep up with.

I am looking for a place, dancing and singing everyday because Ms wedding is this weekend and want it all to turn out well, plus any excuse to dance and sing is kinda cool.

I am looking forward to September and October because by then my life will have settled into a regular pace and I can get to enjoying the down time before I hurl myself into another all consuming project. It will be nice to chill a little before than.

Also I love the O-dot because nothing beats running by the cannel!!!!!!!!!