As yet Untitled

Okay it's a bit long and possibly needs to be cleaned up shorten or something, but as always with this kinda stuff I am not sure what to make of it, any suggestions and comments are welcome but not expected. :) Happy Holidays peeps!!

When the cold wind blows I remember that warmth is a luxury,
I’ve been building my resistance,
layering on my worldly possessions to shield me from the elements,
leaving behind untidy desires, hopes, passions, sprawled across the floor like yesterdays dirty laundry,
I’ve gotta clean them up sometime, fold them just right,
fit them into a neat little package I can take with me to the real world.
But today all I do is sit staring at them until they turn into abstract shades of color,
cool, shapeless,
wish that they would burn at the touch.

Thinking to far ahead makes me cry out with frustration,
although the stillness within which this happens astounds me,
like a wound laying dormant ‘til something grazes by,
you cry out in pain noticing it for the first time,
just underneath your skin,
just underneath your skin.

I see it there, I do, I see it there,
the thirstier you get the more real mirages become,
it seems closer everyday, more real,
is it?
I am squinting to see,
squeezing out every last of once of rationality,
it cries, RUN THE OTHER DIRECTION, RUN,
to live for something unattainable is a painful state of affairs,
but I am not letting go,
try as I might,
I think I might have, I think I could have.
To fly to clouds takes letting go of the ground,
letting go of your pride, and who does that anymore?, not me not me.

When clouds descend into your world nothing is as clear as it used to be,
your past, your future foggy,
wrapped together.
Is it so wrong to want it to be real?
To pretend that you know it will work,
how far are you willing to go, how far,
to live for something that would burn at the touch,
burn through the layers of your worldly possessions leaving behind untidy desires, hopes, passions, dreams, things I used to leave on the ground like yesterdays dirty laundry.

They jump out at me now,
slowly the world is filling in the abstract and cool as it may seem,
when the cold wind blows I remember that warmth is a luxury,and wonder what will keep me warm if the cold winds blow out these untidy dreams?

Procrastination

Okay this is ridiculous, I have spent so much time worrying about this take home exam and not doing it. As a result I am eating into the time I have to study for other things.
You would thing that the fact that I managed 6 classes (one barely but still) while still devoting a massive amount of time to 'work' activities would mean that now that I actaully have time to do my school work I would have things done ahead of a hour before they are due but apparently that is not the case. I think I have some weird fear of failure thing or perhapse the fact that once I get this assignment done I will have to face the fact that I have to study my ass off for my next exam is partly the reason I am, just totally not writting this stupid min. of 5 page take home. grrr honestly it is such a COLOSSAL waste of time. My head feels like it is going to explode, seriously.
Why in the world do they close the fieldhouse track during exam time....I mean exercise is good for reducing stress are they unaware of this phenomena?? And there is snow on the ground which makes the idea of running indoors slightly more appealing

A list of things I've done to procrastinate... so far,

1) wash dishes,

2) check my e-mail,

3) read e-mails I never bother to open before,

4) talk to people (although I oddly don't feel like talking to people at the same time...really I don't get it either),

5) cook,

6) eat....eat some more,

7) check listing of shows on-line to see if I could find that show that C mentioned, I being no good with details have forgotten the day and name of group...at least I have another reason to hope to bump into him again :),

8) watch bad movies on TV with housemates (who by the way are so much more fun than the reading about exchange rates, devalued currency blah blah) plus this is so much easier to do than write this paper,

9) wonder what the hell is worng with me,

10) ...think irrelivent thoughts (the last one is a good example),
stare into space trying to will myself into typing something to fill the 5 page minimum,

11) blog,

it is not like this is fun....really it is just ridiculous...!!!...I am at a loss for words....he he...I guess that is preciously the problem
I have 319 words already so that means 4 more pages...... right......